Matthew 26:42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.
Jesus is nearing the time when He must give His all for sinners on the cross. He is Omniscient, He knows about the cruel death that awaits Him. As a man robed in flesh, I'm sure the thought of pain and suffering does not appeal to Him. As the Savior of the world, He longs to offer the way to Heaven for all who will receive it. He prays, "O Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it," - He admits that it will be a hard thing to endure. But then He says the words that caught my attention today, "thy will be done". The Lord has been dealing with me about His will for my life for a couple of days now. I realized that I've been "kicking and screaming" (figuratively of course! haha!) to get out of the trial I'm in. I am always looking for an escape. The Lord pricked my heart just yesterday that perhaps I'm in this trial to learn to accept trials; to learn to stop "kicking" and take it like a woman who trusts God and desires His will.
Believe me, I'm not writing this flippantly. It was a bitter pill to swallow, to say to the Lord, "Oh, Lord, yes, I will stay in this trial for as long as you want me here. I will stop kicking, fighting, wishing to be out of it." I thought of the song by Ron Hamilton called "Rejoice, in the Lord". One part says:
"I bowed to the will of the Master that day, then peace came, and tears fled away."
I didn't mean not to bow to His will, but I haven't been. I will admit, it's hard. It's not fun to die to self and bury the hopes I had for the future. I do have hope that my Lord will see me through this trial. I have hope in Him for a better and brighter tomorrow. If not here, then on the other side! Before, I was hoping in my own desires, not His. I do have peace now. I'm still waiting to see if the tears have stopped. They are probably not gone forever, but maybe now they will less bitter!
I'm learning that anyone can say they want God's will for their lives. It's another thing entirely to want it when no one is watching. He has changed my perspective, and my longing is that it stay focused on Him forever.